#16 Cougars

Eartha1Atlanta has it’s fair share of women in their late 30′s and early 40′s, who periodically prey on young unsuspecting tenderloins with no strings attached.

Dating younger men became popular somewhere in between the release of the cult classic “American Pie” movies, which are ultimately responsible for coining the low brow term “M.I.L.F” (mom I’d like to fondle), and Demi Moore’s highly publicized Hollywood relationship with Ashton Kutcher, which popularized the book and somehow more socially acceptable term “Cougar” by Valerie Gibson.

You’ll be relieved to know that older Atlanta women share all of the same benefits that one should expect from a low maintenance –high yield retirement policy.

Atlanta’s cougars typically require little to no monetary investment since they’re usually well-off.

They won’t demand that you spend the same amount of time with them, that you would with a girlfriend of your own age in a similar relationship, since they would prefer not to remind themselves, that they’ve hit rock bottom. This will allow you to go bar diving, race cars, play Xbox or bungee jump which is something that women your own age hate, since they realize it brings you enjoyment.

Lastly, if you manage not to remind them of how young you are, then you’re almost always guaranteed the big payoff; with a simple night out in the town or at Johnny’s Hideaway, ending up back at her place making whoopee to her ex-husbands old record collection.

One can’t help to ignore however that these women are in fact old.and single.

The reason of which could vary from simple divorce, to she’s really not single, all the way to the more likely; she killed her husband and took all of the insurance money.

NOTE: The city of Alpharetta is known to be a safe haven for gun wielding wives and blade bearing widows.

Younger Atlanta men should avoid Atlanta’s cougars, cubs (and especially Alpharetta) since these relationships usually end with the women growing emotionally attached and wanting more.

The alternative of course is in front of a judge or Fulton county’s crime scene investigation unit.

Try reminding yourself that you’re one-third her age as she attempts to convince you that she “just wants to have fun and doesn’t expect anything too serious.” If that doesn’t work then try reminding yourself that she looks like Paula Deen.

After having rejected her many advances, she’ll eventually try to trick herself into believing that she’s in control and doesn’t have time for your lack of maturity. Neither of which are true, but both of which of course are necessary for her to believe, thus assuring your safety.

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